


...And Suddenly His Life Had Meaning

by IdrisSmith



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Hollywood, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Angst with a Happy Ending, Background - Hanleia, Background Relationships, F/M, Friendship - Ben/Poe, I Need a Bromance Between Them, Let Me Have That, Mentioned of Harassment, Mentioned of Sexism, Mentioned of Sexual Harassment, My BETA is Amazing, Please Say Hi to Her, Reylo - Freeform, Snoke Will Always Be Bad, Soft Ben, Yes - I Sat on This for Months, hux is not evil, i don't make the rules
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-10
Updated: 2020-05-10
Packaged: 2021-03-02 17:15:58
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,705
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24110422
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/IdrisSmith/pseuds/IdrisSmith
Summary: Three years ago, a misunderstanding put a stop to the budding friendship between Ben and Rey. Ben, not wanting to impose, walked away from Rey's life as soon as filming ended. Three years later, after consistently trying to avoid her, he ran into her. Determined not to cause any drama, Ben remained impassive and distant even when Rey seemed to hate his guts.
Relationships: Rey/Ben Solo | Kylo Ren
Comments: 8
Kudos: 108
Collections: Reylo Prompt Fills (@reylo_prompts)





	...And Suddenly His Life Had Meaning

**Author's Note:**

> Okay, I sat on this for a long, long time. Mainly because I've been a chicken and needed the time to work up the courage to ask someone to help me BETA it. I know I'm chaotic and it translates into my writing. I couldn't publish 8,000 words fiction without at least asking someone to help me out. Thankfully, I manage to overcome that, for now, and I asked. Honestly, I don't think this thing would make much sense without the help of [metallia2797](https://archiveofourown.org/users/metallia2797) who was kind enough to offer to BETA it. I can't thank her enough for taking the time to help me out. I really do appreciate it. Also, if you're still reading this, please check out her fiction as well--if you want and have the time :)
> 
> Based on [this](https://twitter.com/adamdriversputa/status/1224165101646884864?s=20) tweet.

If there was one thing Ben Solo hated, it would be the chaos that was an award show. It might look pristine and refined with the many, many people involved to ensure a somewhat smooth event, but it was all for show. Still, he knew, as a man, he didn’t have a lot he should be complaining about. It wasn’t as if he had to spend six hours squeezing into a dress and having various people poke and prod him all day. The two hours they spent getting him ready was nerve-wracking enough. He knew he was lucky, as a man, for not having to go through that.

It still didn’t mean he was without his apprehension. The incessant chatter around him almost always tempted him to walk off the red carpet and not look back. He liked acting, he liked being able to immerse into roles that were nothing like him, so he knew he had to tolerate some of the craziness that came with it.

From afar, he spotted various familiar faces. People he’d worked for in the past and people he knew from their reputation. He felt awkward strolling past them, letting the people in charge guide him through the process. The sound of people screaming his name to get his attention was giving him a headache, but he smiled as the camera lights flashed. It had taken several years of practice; smiling never came easily for him.

“Smile—” The familiar voice of his mother nearly startled him. He didn’t know when she’d arrived or how she’d found him. It didn’t matter. The flashes grew far more frantic as he smiled wider, letting her take charge. “—try not to look like you were threatened to be here.”

This time, the smile on his face was genuine as he tried to mask his laughter. “I didn’t know you and Dad would be here,” he said, catching the sight of his old man waving, indifferent to the whole thing. Han hated the whole furore as much as he did. The difference was that Han knew how to play the crowd and never looked like he hated his job—much.

“Your father’s nominated—” Ben tried to focus on what his mother was telling him as she pulled him along the path with such grace he never managed to replicate. “—and your uncle won the bet. He didn’t have a choice.”

He chuckled, amused at how Luke was getting his way around Han. It was the sort of relationship between family members which he’d never quite understood, and one of the things that had played on his mind during the years in which he’d tried to forge his own path and leave the family behind. Yes, they had their problems, like any family (probably a little more dramatic than most), but they changed and adapted with time, just like he had. It was one of the things which had eventually led to his reconciliation with them.

“At least we’re not up for the same category,” he said with a smile growing on his lips, already aware of who else was nominated for the category he was in. The smile sent the press crazy and the flicker of camera lights didn’t seem to die down as they walked down the long path.

“And not on the same plane as he was,” his mother supplied. 

Ben laughed at that.

“You better not be gossiping about me, Princess,” Han grumbled as he joined them.

Ben shook his head as he saw his mother roll her eyes, feeling more relaxed now that he wasn’t trotting the red carpet on his lonesome anymore. In hindsight, he should have checked with his parents on whether either of them would be in attendance. His life would have been so much easier if he had. Deciding to come to an award show, and a foreign one at that, after avoiding them for over three years, was unnerving.

“I didn’t think you were coming this year,” his father commented as they took a few more steps before stopping so another group of photographers could get their shots. “Did you lose a bet too?”

“Close,” he said, chuckling. “Phas might have threatened me.”

Han looked curious. “Did she?” He sounded impressed; he always had been a sucker for a no-nonsense attitude. “I like her.”

“A woman who can kick your ass?” Ben smirked as his gaze darted towards his mother. “I would never have guessed.”

“Boys,” Leia admonished them both, “you do realise there will be a lot of lip-reading  _ experts _ trying to interpret what you’re saying, right?”

“That’s why this is fun,” Han declared, much to Ben’s amusement.

However, the good-natured banter was cut short by the uproar of a new arrival. Ben heard the excitement before he saw her but, when he did, his heart stopped.

She was a vision, like a goddess sent down to tempt him. His smile faltered as he struggled to compose himself. It had been a little more than three years since he’d last crossed paths with her. To say that it was an achievement would be an understatement. After all, they did work around the same circle of people within the industry. He’d had to go out of his way to remove himself from her orbit; it was the only reason he’d been able to go so long without running into her.

“Should we get a move on?” he suggested, trying to plot a getaway. “I think we’re holding people up.”

“Nonsense,” his father said, not noticing his distress. “We worked on the same movie. I should at least say ‘hi’.”

Right, he’d forgotten about that bit, although he shouldn’t have. It had been the reason he’d decided to miss one of his father’s movie premieres for the first time since they started talking again.

“Okay, I’ll just go ahead and meet you inside.” He hoped he didn’t sound as desperate to escape as he felt.

His mother was his saving grace this time. “It’s fine, honey, we’ll see you inside.”

“See you inside.” He leaned, kissing the top of his mother’s head before walking in the direction the staff pointed him. It took every ounce of his self-control not to sprint into the hall. He had  _ some _ reputation to uphold.

He felt relieved as soon as he entered the hall, needing the time to adjust to the fact that they were in the same place at the same time again. However, the large space was already nearly full, since they had been among the last to arrive, and time was a luxury he didn’t seem to have. Luckily, he saw his director, Poe Dameron, waving at him enthusiastically and pointing at the seat with his name on it. Staff quickly came to retrieve the label as soon as he plopped down into it.

“You’re early,” Ben said conversationally. In no time, the cameras would start rolling and he’d have to play another part. At least at the moment, he could simply be himself and have a conversation with a friend.

“I came at the right time,” the older man replied. “I bet  _ you _ waited to arrive until the very last possible minute.”

Ben shook his head. “Caught my parents outside and had to take a few more photos than I would’ve liked.”

“Ah,” Poe nodded. “Han’s nominated this year, isn’t he?”

“I believe so,” he nodded in agreement, “I’m not sure for which category.”

“Jeez, buddy, don’t you two talk?”

Ben shrugged at the question. They talked, more than they had when he was younger, but some topics never really came up during their phone or Skype conversations. Not even during their family dinners. The Solo family had never been overly concerned about award shows. He was sure his father had used his Oscar as a paperweight for a good ten years before his mother had made him put it on display. It was rich, really; it wasn’t as if his mother hadn’t used her awards in a similar manner before too.

“He’s likely up in the Best Supporting Actor category.”

Poe arched his eyebrows. “Likely?”

“My mother told me we’re not in the same category,” he explained, “and my father didn’t direct anything new last year. Although he did star in a small role for my uncle, that much I know.”

“Only Luke Skywalker can get Han Solo to show up in a movie like it’s the easiest thing to do.” Ben didn’t miss how impressed Poe sounded.

Poe wasn’t wrong. His father had reached the point in his career where he could simply choose to not do anything he didn’t want to do. If Han Solo didn’t care for a pitch, he wouldn’t even bother to look at the script. A bottle of his favourite whiskey as a gift  _ might _ sway him, but chances of that actually working were always low. Han was a household name with decades’ worth of movies under his belt and zero fucks left to give. It had taken many long, hard years for him to get there, and in Ben’s opinion, his father could do whatever he wanted.

“They do go back years,” Ben replied, chuckling. “And they’ve been related to each other for over three decades.”

“There’s that,” Poe agreed, clearly amused by the dynamic. Ben knew his family was something else. With famous parents, and a lineage that could be traced back to old Hollywood to boot, they’d never had the same normal as everyone else. He doubted they ever would at any point.

“Who knows what chaos they’ll decide to be part of next year,” Ben said thoughtfully.

It wouldn’t have been far-fetched to expect some sort of shenanigans coming from his father. Other kids had to deal with cheating or divorce, the regular run-of-the-mill fighting parents. He had to deal with—well,  _ his _ parents. They had been the worst case of ‘can’t live with, can’t live without’ when he was younger. The only good thing back then had been they were disgustingly loyal to each other.

“Are you ever going to work with your family?” Poe asked out of the blue. “I’m asking, not because I don’t enjoy working with your anal self, but because it seems weird you’ve never worked for anything your uncle produced.”

Ben chuckled. “Careful there, Dameron. You’re starting to sound like a tabloid.”

“Can’t fault a man for trying to get some dirt.” The cheek in Poe’s tone caused Ben to laugh. Poe was one of the few directors he’d worked for that he arguably liked. It was mostly because Poe was gracious enough to have a conversation with him while they were working, over what he wanted to do with a shot and so on, not just treating him like he was some dumb actor. It meant that they’d easily been able to transition to friendship territory after the movie wrapped. There were other good ones, but most, he would rather not work with again, given a choice.

“I’m sure you can find out more on TMZ—”

“Hey, kid.” His father’s greeting and the light pat on his shoulder stopped Ben’s train of thought. He turned to find his father smirking and his mother shaking her head. And  _ her. _ She was standing with his parents, and her face was arranged in what he thought was a look of disdain. She didn’t say a word to him, rather turned to have a quick conversation with someone nearby who she appeared to know.

Well—

“Hey, Dad.” He raised from his seat. “Are you sitting nearby?”

That would be nice—or not. He would have liked to be able to speak to his mother throughout the show to keep him sane. Poe was a good friend, but he knew that Poe’s jokes would turn into something bordering on lewdness at roughly halfway through and he wasn’t sure he could handle that tonight.

“No,” his mother answered for them. “But we’re close enough.” His gaze moved in the direction his mother was pointing. “Rey’s with us.”

_ Shit _ . He forgot how people working with the same production tended to sit in a group. It was why he was seated with Poe; they were the only two there representing their movie as the rest of the cast were tied up with other commitments. It was part of the reason why Phasma had threatened him to make him attend.

And it didn’t help that their seats were in his line of vision. This was his own personal hell.

“It’s fine.” His dad was pushing the topic away. “We’ll see you at the after-party, right?”

He didn’t plan on attending  _ that _ .

Too bad he didn’t seem to have a choice in the matter. Poe had risen to his feet and was already charming the pants off everyone present. “You bet. We’ll see you there, Mr Solo, Ms Organa.”

“Please, it’s Han and Leia,” his mother was quick to interject.

Of course Poe would get familiar with his family quickly. The charming bastard.

“I’ll be there for a bit,” he sighed, deciding it was best to concede, for now. Everyone was starting to take their seats after all. “But I have to leave early; I have a morning flight.”

It was the truth; he didn’t plan on sticking around. Part of the agreement he had with Phasma was that he wouldn’t have to stay for more than forty-eight hours, twenty-four or less preferred. He was always on the move and onto the next thing. It was the way he liked things. Only, this time, he there wasn’t a job waiting for him but a few weeks away at a private retreat.

“So soon?” He noticed the disappointment in his mother’s tone and felt like an ass. “I thought we could have breakfast.”

“How about we go to dinner when I get back?” he countered. Placating his mother wasn’t such a bad thing.

“You’re in Europe, Ben,” his father chimed in. “Why are you in such a hurry to leave?”

Ben didn’t want to have to reel off an explanation to his parents in such a public setting. It was a good thing he had a rehearsed response ready. “I need a short break before the next filming schedule. Staying in Europe and having the Paparazzi tailing me here as much as they do in LA is not my definition of a break.”

Han seemed to accept that explanation. His father’s disdain for fame was a saving grace.

“Alright, but we’ll hold you to that dinner whenever you get back. Your mother and I don’t see you enough.” 

Ben nodded, relieved that one crisis had been averted.

“Han,” his mother’s voice cut through. “We need to get to our seats; it’s starting.”

His father gruffed a response and Ben watched out of the corner of his eye as his mother turned and spoke to  _ her _ . “We’ll see you later, alright?”

Without fanfare, his parents went to their seats and Rey along with them. Ben watched them go, then sighed deeply, trying to summon whatever was left of his self-control to get him through the ceremony. 

“Well, that’s a load of sexual tension for two people who didn’t even talk to each other,” Poe commented. Ben could have sworn his neck nearly broke from turning a little too fast.

“The show hasn’t even started yet and you’re already in lewd mode?”

It wasn’t fair to call him out, though it didn’t seem like Poe was bothered by it. “Hey, I’m only pointing out the obvious here, and that’s not even half as dirty as I’d like to be.”

“Remind me not to go to any award show where they provide  _ you _ with alcohol,” he groaned. There was a reason why he didn’t hang out with Poe when the man was around alcohol. Sober Poe was bad, drunk Poe was worse.

“Excuse you, I’m a delight, especially with alcohol in me.”

“Poe.”

“No, seriously, what’s up with you and Rey? I know you worked with her before.” It was clear Poe wasn’t going to drop the matter, even if he was respectful enough to lower his tone so that no one would catch their conversation unless they were paying close attention.

“Nothing,” Ben stated plainly because it was the truth. “Nothing’s up.”

To his credit, Poe kept whatever he clearly wanted to say or ask to himself as the show started. They clapped, and they clapped, as one award after another was presented by the host. When it came to his category, which he, to no surprise, didn’t win, Ben continued as he had been doing during the rest of the show. He never expected to win anything at any of the award shows. It was a nice gesture, but winning awards wasn’t his priority. Besides, he knew he wasn’t to everybody’s taste..

The clapping was monotonous, and it didn’t help that Ben was spending most of his time purposefully  _ not _ looking in the direction of his parents’ seats -  _ her _ seat - for fear that he’d be caught staring on camera by one of the roving rigs set up to capture reactions. Only when his father, unsurprisingly, won his category did he spare a glance. He smiled to himself as they kissed, not caring that the eyes of the world were on them, before promptly turning away again and focusing on the stage. It was amazing how they were still disgustingly in love with each other after all these years. It was rare, especially in Hollywood.

Ben shook his head good-naturedly at his father’s acceptance speech - it was expected - and, later, being on the receiving end of one of the host’s jokes was a good distraction. As the show wound up, Ben found himself thinking that it hadn’t been quite as bad as he’d thought it would be.

That was until he was dragged to the after party. 

It was like Poe could read his mind and, as the hall began to empty, he caught him before Ben had the chance to sneak out.

“Oh no, you don’t. You promised your parents you’d be there.”

“Fine,” Ben grumbled.

His parents were already filing out ahead with their party. He sighed and followed after them with Poe, not at all doubting his friend’s resolve to drag him if he didn’t. On the bright side, the sooner he joined the party, the sooner he could leave and retreat into his well-earned month of peace and quiet. He didn’t think he could thank his grandparents enough for their foresight in buying the secluded property which was now his bolt-hole. A month away from all the madness was going to be bliss. When he got back he was scheduled to film with Hux—again. He needed a vacation before dealing with  _ that. _

What he hadn’t expected, when he arrived at the after party, was that Rey appeared to be sticking close to his parents. The image of her animatedly chatting with them sent butterflies to wing inside his stomach. He didn’t know how to react to it; there wasn’t much he could do, other than let Poe lead him towards the group. Perhaps he’d just been imagining the way she’d ignored him at the live show. Perhaps things didn’t have to be this awkward between them; they were both adults, after all, albeit adults who hadn’t spoken for three years. As expected though, her smile faltered as soon as she saw him, and the butterflies in Ben’s stomach promptly turned to stones. 

“Ben!” 

“Hey, Mom.”

His mother excitedly reached for him when she saw him approaching, and he leaned in to hug her, spotting his uncle not too far away over her shoulder. In the chaos of the award show, he hadn’t realised his uncle was there as well. He must have been there for another movie, explaining why he hadn’t been seated with his sister and Han.

“You remember Rey,” Leia said as she released him, gesturing at her young companion. Somehow, Ben managed to hide his internal struggle. It was almost as if he was half a decent actor. “Weren’t you two in the same movie?”

He nodded, not giving any indication of how uncomfortable he was to be thrust into this particular situation. “Yeah, a while ago.” He didn’t want to offer anything other than the obvious information anyone could find with access to Google. What else was there, after all?

“Hey, Rey’s signed up for another movie with Skywalker Studios-” It was his father who took over the conversation now. “Maybe you’d like to take a look at the script. Seeing familiar faces on set is always fun.”

“And you did promise you’d read a script at least, during the last family dinner,” Luke chimed in as he joined the group.

It wasn’t that Ben didn’t want to work with his uncle; he did. He knew it was a step he would eventually have to take if he was going to finally put all the family tension behind him, but he just couldn’t when Rey was on board. 

He didn’t hate her; he couldn’t imagine what that would even feel like. It was just that he had at least some sense of self-preservation and that he knew that being around her would be damaging for him. Three years and he still wasn’t over her.

“I wish I could,” he said, frustrated that he was being put on the spot. “But Phasma has a few jobs lined up for me for the rest of the year and early next year too, until about May, I think.”

“That’s a bit extreme, isn’t it?” Leia spoke up.

Ben shrugged, privately thankful that he had someone so intensely organised as his agent. “That’s Phasma. If anything, she would like to schedule things three years in advance, not one. Believe it or not, she’s actually mellowed out since I first signed to her.”

“Well, I guess I’ll get in touch with her then,” Luke said, undeterred. “Maybe we can work something out for next year or, if not, the year after that.”

“Sounds good.” There was no reason for him to deny a job if Luke was that keen to have him, even after everything. “I trust Phasma to find a good time.” His eyes flickered guiltily to Rey and he saw her look away. Was she… hurt? No, she was probably just glad to have dodged a bullet. He’d have to remember to remind Phasma to subtly make sure they didn’t end up on a picture together, especially with Luke at the helm. Once he got an idea in his head, he didn’t let it drop. He supposed that was a bit of a family trait.

“Any chance I can get into some of that?” Poe spoke, startling Ben as he appeared beside him with a drink in his hand. He’d nearly forgotten his friend was there. “I’m open to direct anything…” His eyes flickered from Ben to Rey. “Even a romantic comedy.”

“You’re on your own there, man,” Ben said quickly.

Poe narrowed his eyes at him, poking his chest with his index finger in feigned indignation. “What do you have against people falling in love, Solo?”

He was opening his mouth to serve Poe a witty comeback when Rey interjected, “Yeah, Solo, what  _ do _ you have against people falling in love?” 

Ben gaped, before trying to make a quick recovery. “Nothing at all, Miss Niima.” He was surprised at how composed he sounded. “I just feel like I need something more challenging at this point in my career.”

It wasn’t a complete lie. He liked trying new things and pushing his limits. Phasma was even dabbling in talks about having him star in a new blockbuster revival and, while he wasn’t sure if he wanted the kind of attention a major franchise would bring, he had found that he liked the story the studio had presented to him so far. It reminded him a little of his own struggles during his younger years, even if he didn’t tend to talk about that subject in public. Besides, media attention aside, a starring role in something so major could be exactly what he needed to take his mind off of that which plagued it.

“Miss Niima?” his uncle questioned and his tone filled Ben with dread. He could tell he was about to be called out and, sure enough, Luke casually added, “A bit formal for co-stars, isn’t it?”

“Former co-stars,” Ben corrected, and shook his head. “No, I don’t think so.”

“Are you always this professional with your former co-stars,  _ Mr _ Solo?” Rey asked. She sounded angry, though he wasn’t sure why she should be. It was her who had drawn that particular line and he was just trying to honour that.

“I try to show everyone I work with respect,” he replied coolly, noting that he should walk away sooner rather than later, before this conversation became an argument. As though the universe had been listening, with timing that was truly trope-worthy, his phone chimed loudly from his pocket. “Ah, that’s my cue to leave.”

“You set an alarm?” Poe sounded appalled.

“Early flight,” Ben shrugged. “I have to pack and get some shut-eye before it’s time to leave.”

“Seriously?”

“I’ll buy you a drink when I get back.”

“Alright,” Leia spoke, cutting through whatever anyone else planned to say. “We’ll see you when you get back, honey. Now give your old mom a hug.”

He smiled tensely, but bent down to wrap her in his arms anyway, resolutely ignoring the glares he could feel emanating from Rey  _ and _ Poe. “I’m going on vacation, Mother, not to war.”

“Might as well be, for the amount of communication we get out of you while you’re at that damn cabin,” Leia pipped back.

“Okay, okay. I’ll send you an email every other day. Satisfied?” He allowed himself a laugh as he spoke, although he still felt tense. “Jeez, woman, you sure know how to get your way.”

“Now, that wasn’t so hard, was it?” Leia smirked knowingly as she let him go.

Ah, he had played right into his mother’s plan. He found he wasn’t even angry about it and, when he laughed again, it sounded far more genuine. “No, but I really have to go. I’ll catch everyone later.” 

His eyes caught Rey’s briefly, and he noted the storm which still swirled behind her gaze. It took him by surprise. Yet, all he could bring himself to say was, “Miss Niima,” before bowing out.

Escaping to his hotel room was a relief. Pulling his bowtie from his neck, taking out his cufflinks and unbuttoning the first two buttons of his shirt was liberating. He always felt like part of the circus whenever he had to dress up for an award show. 

He had been sitting on his bed barely a minute when his phone rang. He groaned, looking at the time. It was late. He didn’t feel like talking but there was only one person who would be calling him at this time of night. He could choose not to pick up, but he knew it was only the choice between hearing about it now and hearing about it later. Later would be worse. Phasma didn’t like being sent to voicemail. With a heavy sigh, he rolled over, retrieving his phone from the side table before pressing to answer.

“Yes, Phas?” he said, bracing himself for an earlashing. There was always a good chance he’d done something to inadvertently make her job difficult. It was best to just accept the berating and more on.

“You’re still taking the flight out tomorrow?” 

Okay, he wasn’t in trouble. That was good. “Yes, why wouldn’t I?”

There was a long pause from her end. “I could move the flight later in the day if you want to have some time with your family.”

It was sweet that she worried, even if her concern did sound stilted and unnatural, as though it didn’t come easily to her, but she didn’t have to do that.

“Don’t worry. I promised my mother we’ll have dinner when I get back to LA.” He didn’t strictly  _ have _ to tell Phasma everything he planned with his family, but he liked to keep her from stressing out. A stressed Phasma was not a fun Phasma to be around. Besides, she was the few friends he had. 

“I ran into her,” he added hesitantly.

Phasma didn’t ask who ‘ _ her’ _ was. She knew.

“You’re already on the earliest flight out of Heathrow, Ben.”

He sighed. “I know, I’m not asking you to change my flight. I’m just... keeping you informed.”

“And?”

_ Why did she have to know him so well? _

“My uncle wants me to read a couple of scripts.Can you—” He  _ had _ to keep himself sane, he told himself firmly, even if his method was a little extreme. 

“I’ll work out a way to add a contract stipulation that all co-stars must be confirmed before you agree to do any movies with Skywalker Studios, as well as the clause saying you can back out if necessary.”

“I’ll pay the penalty if it comes to that—”

“Ben, I know how to do my work,” Phasma snapped. He knew he deserved that one.

“Thank you.”

“You can’t avoid her forever.” There was that worrying ‘older sister’ tone she used when she was trying to encourage him to get over himself as gently as he could. Even across the ocean, she was looking out for him. “Eventually your paths will intersect. Contrary to popular belief, Hollywood is not that big. At least not for A-listers.”

“I need time,” he replied, sighing. “It wasn’t her fault I was an idiot who fell for her. I don’t want to be around her and make her uncomfortable.” He felt a twinge of guilt as he spoke, because it wasn’t just her comfort he was concerned about, was it? 

“Alright,” Phasma conceded, although her tone warned,  _ for now _ .. “I’ll see what I can about the contract. It’s usually easier with any other studios because you’re always the last one they cast.”

Ben snorts. “Must not be the most popular guy out there.”

“You know that’s not true. I just keep them dragging their asses before agreeing and, by that time, they already have everyone else cast. It’s less hassle than saying ‘can you not cast Rey Niima so that Ben Solo’s heart won’t collapse?’”

Ben laughed mirthlessly. “I really need to get over this to make your job easier.”

“Funnily enough, you’re one of the easier clients I’ve had to manage for a while.”

“I bet,” he said, laughing for real now.

“Hey, Ben,” Phasma’s tone changed again, piquing his curiosity.

“Yeah?”

“You’ll be fine.”

He didn’t know where that came from, but it was nice to hear. Sighing, he said, “Thanks. I better go though. I’ll see you when I return to the land of the living.”

“Goodnight.”

The silence in the room as soon as the call ended was almost deafening. He almost wished he could have stayed talking to Phasma just so he didn’t have to be left alone with his thoughts of Rey. 

If he’d had a choice, he wouldn’t have fallen for her. She was too young, much too young, and he should know better. It wasn’t what he wanted, but he never stood a chance with her. She took his breath away without even realising she was doing it. She inadvertently smoothed all his hard edges and he hadn’t realised just how far gone he was until it was too late.

The sudden, incessant knocking on the door pulled him out of his thoughts. Frowning, he got up from where he was wallowing in self-pity, and made to answer it, wondering whether Phasma had put in a room service order for him just to make sure he ate. She did have a tendency of doing things like that when she thought he wasn’t taking care of himself.

What he didn’t expect, when he pulled open his door, was to see  _ her. _

He should have checked, but by the time he’d had a chance to realise his mistake, it was too late. He couldn’t exactly shut the door in her face, could he?.

“R- Miss Niima,” he breathed tersely, only just stopping short of calling her by her first name. Familiarity wouldn’t do him any good.

He wanted to say something—anything, but she pushed her way into his hotel room before he had the chance. It took him by surprise - his reaction time felt much slower than normal - and once she was inside, just like shutting the door in her face, throwing her out seemed out of the question. So, he closed the door behind them and turned to face her, wondering what on earth she might want from him now.

“What’s your deal?” she blurted as soon as she had his full attention. “You acted as if I was a stranger, like I didn’t spend months working with you and talking to you and-”

“We practically are strangers,” he said, trying to keep his voice dispassionate. “That was over three years ago.”

“Fuck you,” she spat.

Ben was too startled to respond. He stared at her for the longest time, gaping. Sure, he was difficult to work with, but he had tried his best not to overstep his boundaries. He had gone out of his way not to overstep his boundaries. He had avoided her for three years in order not to overstep his boundaries. So no, he can’t understand what reason Rey has to be angry with him. They were never friends; they were acquaintances at best. She was nice to him and he, stupidly, fell in love with her because he got carried away and fooled himself into believing she could have one day felt the same. When the filming was over and the press tours had run their course, he’d done the honourable thing and walked away.

But fuck  _ him?  _ When his mind caught up, he was furious.

“Excuse me?” his voice was louder than intended. “Who the hell are you to barge into my room and-”

“Who the hell am  _ I _ ?” she was shouting back at him. “Who the hell are you to treat me like I’m nothing? We finished the movie, did the press tours and you just left.”

He looked at her incredulously. “That’s what everyone does when they wrap a movie, Miss Niima. We did our jobs and we went our separate ways.”

“Is that all it was? Just another job?”

He faltered. He wanted to tell her no, that it was so much more to  _ him, _ but he knew he couldn’t ask her for something she wasn’t willing to give and he refused to be the creep who coerced her, like he’d seen so many men in the industry do to so many bright, talented young women, just fighting to find their break. He was better than that.  _ She _ was better than that. If he had acted on his impulses and if he hadn’t overheard her, he might have been  _ that _ sort of man. For him, that would have been far worse than having a reputation for being difficult. No, it was better all around that he’d been able to walk away before things had gone too far.

“What do you want?” he asked, too tired to continue with the shouting match. Being around her was draining for him. Having to pretend that he didn’t want to reach out and hold her close was gnawing at his soul.

“You,” she said so quietly he was sure he imagined it.

“I’ve had a long day and I’m exhausted so I’d appreciate it if you could just tell—”

“You! I want you!”

He blinked, sure he had somehow fallen asleep after the phone call with Phasma and his longing heart had dreamt up a scenario in which Rey wanted  _ him _ . He never thought dreams could be cruel. Then again, maybe this was his mind telling him he had to admit it aloud to her, even in a dream, so that he could move on.

“You don’t have to pretend that you feel anything towards me, or pretend to get along with me if you don’t want to do it. We’re not in front of a camera, Miss Niima.”

She looked angry, sad even.

“Miss N—”

Ben wasn’t sure what happened. One minute Rey was standing as far away from him as the room would allow, the next she was close, so close, and yanking him down to kiss her. The realisation that she was really there hit him and, at once, he was lost to it. Her lips felt as sweet as he remembered them and he realised he could finally breathe again, after three long years. She was like a rush of fresh air, nearly knocking him off of his feet.

He cursed when the better part of him chided and he pulled away.

“Miss Ni—”

“Rey, I’m Rey to you,” she breathed, trying to pull him back to her. It pained him to keep her at arm’s length, but he had to understand what was happening.

“Rey-” It was hard, he didn’t  _ want _ to talk. “What are you doing?”

He saw her visibly sag.

“I’m sorry,” she said—not what he wanted to hear. “I must’ve misunderstood.” She tried to move away from him, but he managed to hold her in place. 

“What are you talking about?”

“It’s nothing,” Rey said, trying to move away from him again. He knew he should let her go, but something in the way she was acting didn’t sit well with him. It felt like she was running away, the way he had, and he wanted to know why. She wasn’t supposed to be the one behaving like this. It was baffling to him.

“Rey-” He shouldn’t think how right it sounded to say her name aloud, but he was. “I know we’re not friends—”

She was chuckling, though it sounded sad. “Whose fault was that?”

To say he was confused would be an understatement. He was still trying to understand why she was there, what the kiss was about and now why she looked sad. Rey wasn’t supposed to be there, in his hotel room. She was supposed to be with her friends and, funnily enough, his parents, having fun and celebrating Skywalker Studios’ big movie win.

“Why are you here?” It was a safe question to start with, at least in his opinion.

“I don’t know.”

He frowned. “You barge into my hotel room and you don’t know?”

His eyes bore into hers, trying to figure out what she wanted from him. The frightening thing was that he realised he would have given her anything. 

“Poe—” Ben felt a surge of panic, wondering what his friend might have said. Ben had never told him what happened, but he was extremely intuitive. “—implied that I may have misunderstood some things and I wanted to find out how.”

“What—what did you misunderstand?” he croaked, nerves curling around his spine.

“Nothing, it looks like I understood just fine,” she replied sadly. He wanted to take that away, all her sadness, even though he knew that wasn’t realistic. “I’m still acting like that foolish eighteen year old girl.”

“I never called you foolish.”

“You didn’t have to.” This time when Rey tried to untangle herself from him, he allowed her and even as she moved away, he could still feel how warm she’d been against him. “I think your actions said enough.”

“My actions?”

She gave him an incredulous look. “I kissed you and you pushed me away.”

“I kissed you back!” he protested.

“A knee-jerk reaction,” she said, shaking her head.

Ben was annoyed. “Woah, woah, you don’t get to decide why I acted the way I did.”

“Why not?” she challenged him. “You did exactly that three years ago.”

Ben blinked. She wasn’t wrong. Not exactly, anyway.

“Rey,” he said, and he sounded exhausted. “I have no idea what you want from me. You’re the one who made it perfectly clear that I was nothing but a co-star.”

“I never said that!” Her voice was rising, anger filled her eyes.

“You did,” he replied sadly. “To your friend—”

“What friend?”

He didn’t want to reopen that can of worms; he’d spent years shoving it down to the depths of his soul. “Let’s not do this.”

Rey had other ideas. “Oh no, let’s do exactly this. What friend and what did you hear?”

“Fine,” he barked. “Although, you should know, I wasn’t going to ruin your career if you rejected me back then, Rey. I’m not that big of an entitled brat that I would hurt you simply because you didn’t want me. And I sure as hell wasn’t Snoke.”

Silence fell as Rey stared at him, gaping. She knew now. He would have worked out his feelings if she’d rejected him, but to have her think he was anything like that vile man was too much for him. He wasn’t perfect, but he liked to think he wouldn’t cross boundaries set by anyone. Especially not the one she imposed.

“Look,” he started again. It pained him to say what he was going to say. “I’ll keep my distance. I won’t be in your way or meddle with your career—”

“—You eavesdropped on me?”

He sighed. “I overhead. Maybe try not to hold private conversations in a public area in the future.” It was the truth. He had simply been minding his own business when he’d stumbled upon the exchange.

“How much did you hear?” Her voice was a whisper.

There was no reason for him to lie. “Nothing new, the common accusation that I’m difficult to work with.” It was hard not to sound bitter. “I’m used to it by now—even by then. But then Pava advised you that it was probably a good idea to humour me or risk me ruining your career, what with my connections and everything.” That was the part which had stung. The Snoke scandal had just been breaking at the time, exposing Hollywood for the stinking cesspit of sexism and casual harrassment that it was.

“You think I believed that?” 

He laughed mirthlessly. “Have you forgotten your answer?” He hadn’t. The short ‘you’re probably right’ coming from her perfectly bowed, pink lips had cut through him. Yet he known, even then, it was wrong to blame her for it. He had ten years on her, he was well established in the industry, he was a Hollywood legacy, he was exactly the type of person who could do exactly what Pava said he could, and he’d resolved right then to not become Rey’s own, personal nightmare.

“I—”

He shook his head. “You were eighteen, I was older and I should have known better. I shouldn’t have acted the way I did, not if it caused you discomfort.”

Sometimes, before, he had forgotten there was a decade between them. She had been so easy to talk to, so easy to fall for. He knew that was no excuse but, back then, when they’d talked, it had just slipped away to the back of his mind. He could listen to her for hours, talking about things that were important to her and how she viewed their characters. She was mesmerising, capturing every corner of his soul and he—

“I’m sorry.”

He smiled sadly. “It’s fine.” It wasn’t, but he knew it would be, eventually.

“No, it’s not fine.” She shook her head, pacing around the small room. “God, I’m such an idiot. Three years.”

Ben felt as though he was in a state of perpetual confusion. “What are you talking about?”

“I thought—” She paused. “I thought you hated me. I spent years trying to figure out what I did and waiting for you to ruin my career because I hurt you.”

“I told you—”

She shook her head, prompting him to stop.

“You weren’t meant to hear that,” she told him. “I was just trying to be agreeable because Jess and I worked together and she’d heard you worked with Snoke before, and I just—”

He’d known even then that his past would catch up with him. Snoke had built him and it had taken an awfully long time before he’d broken free from the tyrant. The movie he and Rey had made was the first he’d done outside of Snoke’s influence. He’d expected it to fail because he knew how far the slimeball would go to bring down those who refused to kiss his feet. But then Snoke had died unexpectedly and all his foul deeds had come to light without him to keep them buried. Ben had been left to wonder which lucky star had been shining on him that day.

“It’s fine,” he repeated.

“You don’t get it,” Rey yelled. “It  _ wasn’t _ fine! Rose was right, I should’ve listened to  _ her _ .”

“Hey, hey, calm down,” Ben moved, reaching for Rey. She moved away, he remained still.

“I am calm!”

Ben snorted, amused for the first time since she barged into his room. “You sure don’t look like it.” He deserved the glare she threw at him.

“I—” she breathed. “I got angry when you left. I thought you were my friend.”

The information surprised him.

“I wanted to knock on your door and demand an explanation. I felt so stupid for not asking for your number. I just thought I’d always see you. I didn’t understand why,” she said. “People leave me and I never—”

“Rey—” she shook her head to indicate she wasn’t finished.

“—I never wanted them to explain. I just waited, like how I waited for my parents, but you— I wanted to know why you left—why you left me. I thought about asking your agent for your address and I tried really hard to understand what I did wrong.”

He was a prized idiot; Ben knew that now.

“By some miracle I ended up working on a movie your uncle produced. I thought I could see you again but—but you’re never anywhere I am. I  _ knew _ we were on a different level, but I thought I might just run into you, at auditions even.”

“I got Phasma to ensure we’d never cross paths,” he admitted. She didn’t look surprised.

“I figured, after two years, and then when you missed your dad’s premiere-”

He hadn’t thought she would notice. Phasma had even gone out of her way to ensure he was out of the country for charity work.

“Why?”

“I—” he sighed. “It was easier to be away from you if I wanted to get over you.”

“Get over me?”

He wanted the ground to swallow him whole. “Rey,” he warned. If he said it, he wouldn’t be able to take it back. He should tell her to leave.

“Tell me,” she demanded.

He sighed.

“I was—I  _ am _ in love with you.”

“You are?” she squeaked.

“My feelings are my own.” No matter how much he wanted her to reciprocate, he knew he couldn’t force it. “You don’t have any obligation to acknowledge it or even—”

“Were you ever going to tell me?” He knew his answer, but held his tongue. “If I hadn’t barged into your room tonight and demanded you to talk to me, would you have ever told me?”

“I don’t think—”

Rey cut him off.

“I didn’t ask you to think, I asked you if you were ever going to tell me that you’re in love with me?”

“Does it matter?” It was his turn to ask. “It won’t change anything.”

“It matters to me. You’re deciding for me. You didn’t give me a chance to explain three years ago and you’re not answering my question right now.”

“No.” He decided there was no way he could get Rey to leave if he wasn’t honest with her. If she wanted to know, to be burdened by the thought that a monster like him was in love with her, it was her choice. “I planned to get over you and never breathe a word about it.”

“Are you?” she asked, holding his gaze.

“Am I what?”

“Over me?”

“I’m not playing this game anymore, Rey,” he huffed. “I think you should leave.”

“I’m not playing any games,” Rey protested. “I need to know if you’re over me.”

“For what reason?”

“Tell me,” she demanded softly, leaning into him. It was getting harder for Ben to keep his thoughts in order when Rey was pressed against him. There was a soft smile on her lips and he wanted to spill everything, even his deepest, darkest secrets.

He grunted. “I’m not sure I will ever be over you.”

If Ben hadn’t been so paralyzed by the knowledge that she knew, that he’d finally told her,, he would have noticed how Rey’s smile had grown wider, but all he caught was the soft beam that left on her lips when she looked up to him. “That’s nice to know because I’m in love with you too.”

“Wh—what?” he sputtered.  _ Rey was in love with him? _

“Come on, Solo,” she was grinning from ear to ear now. “Are you going to kiss me or do I have to do everything myself?”

“I—” His mind was still playing catch up.  _ What the hell had just happened? _

Rey was smirking. “Okay, doing everything myself then.” Slowly, she pulled him down to her. He followed, even with his muddled thoughts. Her lips were soft and he could feel her smile on them. This time around, he registered the faint taste of champagne on her tongue when she coaxed him into opening his mouth for her.

“Rey—” he groaned in between kisses.

“Not drunk,” she replied, as if reading his mind.

“You’re making it hard for me to be a gentleman,” he said against her lips, not wanting to part from her.

“I’m not asking you to be.”

“I want to take you on a date,” he confessed.

“We’ll do that tomorrow.”

_ Shit. _

He paused, his sudden stillness stopping her in her tracks as well.

“What’s wrong?”

He felt guilty even though, in his defense, when he’d planned his life, he hadn’t even considered that she might barge into it again. “I’m leaving tomorrow morning.”

She felt tense in his arms. “You’ll come back, right?”

“I—” He paused.

It was crazy, but he realised he could give her the choice now, in the way he hadn’t three years ago. If she said no, he would move around his plans to accommodate hers. “Do you have anything lined up for the next month?”

She shook her head. “No, why?”

“Come with me,” he offered.

“Come with you?” She asked, looking every bit confused. “On your vacation?”

He smiled, it seemed she was listening when he’d told his parents about his plans earlier.

“Yes.”

“Ben, that’s a month!”

“So?” he asked, failing to see the problem with the idea of spending a month essentially courting her.

“You want me to pack my bags and leave with you tomorrow?”

_ Fuck. He was moving too fast. _

“If you want.”

She was smiling at him. “People will find out.”

He knew what she meant by  _ people _ and he didn’t care but he had to know if it mattered to her. “And that’s a problem?”

“No.” She shook her head. “But you are buying me breakfast before we leave, right?”

He laughed, really laughed. 

“Whatever you want, sweetheart.”

“Good, I’ll just have to text Rose to let her know to pack my things. She just got back from filming—Wait, we’ll stop in LA first, right?” 

Logistics, Ben had forgotten about those. “I’ll inform Phasma of the change of plans.” He knew he  _ should _ care about how many adjustments Phasma would need to organise to rearrange the trip for them, but he didn’t. He wasn’t sure how his friend would react, but he knew she wanted only the best for him and Rey  _ was _ the best.

“We’re really doing this?” She was beaming at him and he knew he was lost.

“Yes, sweetheart. We’re really doing this.”

**Author's Note:**

> You can imagine how their life play out after this, but yeah... I have an image in my head too ^^


End file.
